Lost and Tired in Tampa, FL

Hello.  New to this thought Id be a Superhero and help take care of my 86 y/o father who has had altzheimers for 9+ yrs.  My mom got sick a while back so I moved in 3 yrs ago and wound up helping both of them, she just passed 2 months ago and was my best friend.  No one to talk to, except occasional friend or my only brother.  Now I feel like I'm in a prison locked away trying to keep up with the daily repetitive tasks of taking care of my father. I have hospice but their help is limited.  Any other burnt out caregivers to offer advice to lift me up???  It just never seems to end I feel like Im in the movie GROUNDHOGS DAY. Thank u..

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  • Yes hospice is limited, but they will allow you to leave (been there, done that!). While they are there, do something for you and only you! Take a walk, window shop, go to the gym or pool. Go to the library, read a book, work on a craft...do something...anything that you enjoy! Most importantly...no guilt trips for taking care of yourself. If you don't, you won't be able to continue caring for your father for much longer!

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  • Does your father happen to be a veteran?

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  • I was actually taking care of 2 neighbors that I "adopted." He was a veteran in the merchant marines. Their daughters lived a distance away…..moved me in at one point.....no regrets.

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  • My father lives by himself, 2000 miles away, though in good health at 94.  My mother-in-law had her second stroke in early 2017 and is bedridden.  My husband is her provider Monday through Friday; another brother takes over on the weekends.  Since these are in different cities 200 miles apart, this means a drive to and from weekly for my husband.   Add to that is his middle brother had a stroke in 2005 that left him disabled, in a wheelchair, and unable to speak.  His youngest brother has lupus.  I take care of our home, grocery shop for 2 families, and am the one in charge of making decisions about his mother's care.  It is not easy, but neither my husband or I want regrets after the fact.  It is ok and NECESSARY to do something for yourself daily.  I walk mornings.  Find something that you enjoy and don't feel guilty about doing it.  Also, aggressively seek help.  Ask questions and don't take "no" for an answer.  Any assistance is welcome.  Don't give up.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  • You might consider an adult daycare to give you a break. 

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  • Let me first extend sympathy in your  loss of mother and best friend.

    Have  thought about asking his doctor for a referral of a community Home Health Aide through Social security? most people are entitled to a CNA (nurse assistant to visit home for 2 - 4 hrs at least 3 times weekly . they will bathe, visit and assist in feeding a meal and do social activities with client (your father) during this time you can leave the home to go shopping or do a craft class or visit with friends etc... this giving you a break.

    if for some reason this does not pan out inquire for RESPITE Relief caregiver  to come in and give you a break home health nursing also offers these services.

    Or consider taking father to a Senior Community center for 4-5 hrs m-f to make friends and do activities while you leave and go get some "ME " TIME.

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