My wife thinks people are coming in and out of our home all the time. Tonight I’m sleeping on the couch in the den because she doesn’t recognize me as her husband ((of 48 years this Feb) She thinks her husband might return home and find us in bed together, plus she has her own morals. This happens everyday.
My dad keeps telling me the police are coming to get him. For not paying for a snack, for harassment, for not paying a bill. I pay his bills and he lives in an adult care home. It's difficult to talk with him, because that's all he really talks about. He's on an anti-hallucination drug, but I'm not sure it's helping. And I am the only one in his family. Literally. This has been been the most difficult year of my life. I don't know what to say to help make him feel better. At first I just went with it, then said that he was okay. But now it's all the time.
In 2018, my wife suffered from frontotemporal dementia and a year later, Alzhaimer disease was added. Esim is just 51 years old, she is very young for this disease, her doctor said that her brain age is 95, in fact, I have been feeding her food like a child for 3 years and drinking water with my hand, Her own She can not meet any of her needs, I am alone, on household chores, gardening, all payments, all work, I feel very tired, my wife has started to urinate in the bed, I am tired of washing bed covers everyday, she has started not to eat her meals, She don't want eat when I feed her. , refuses to take his medicines, I don't know what to do, if I don't lose my mind, it's fine. If anyone has any information about how she to drink these dementia pills to my wife, must write me, She was drinking the her pills until the last week, there was no problem, the mood has changed a lot in the last week, she is doing much setback, she doesn't listen any words. I have much stres.
Thank you for asking this question. I am heartbroken. I’m pretty sure my mom has dementia- but she’s told everyone for years she’s scared of me- which I don’t understand. I called her last night (first time in years bc she usually ends up screaming at me). I don’t know what I was thinking.
she’s in a retirement home now- so I called and asked a nurse to help me contact her. The nurse strangely sounded excited I was calling her. (Strange right?)
yes she started screaming at me the moment she heard my voice....screaming that she hates me....but also that she wants the “things back that (I) stole when I broke into (her) house.”
She claimed I had my toddler outside the door as a “lookout” and I took valuable things.
I havent seen her in years - and I’m also disabled- so I can’t walk let alone run anywhere.
I said I didn’t know what she was talking about- and she just kept repeating it.
I finally just told her I called to tell her how much I love her and hope we could talk and meet up to discuss moving on.
she told me unless I admitted to stealing the things and give them back- we had nothing left to talk about.
then hung up on me.
so how does this work- dementia? Do they say how they really feel or .....
im gutted. I really can’t move today. She’s my mom and said she hates me and never wanted to see or speak to me again.
My grandfather once sat my mother down for a serious talk (which was very out or his nature). He started to explain that she would probably see a bill in the mail soon from the women that has been coming to the house. My mom was confused, and started asking questions because she was imaging a homeless women or a drug addict sneaking in at night...it took her a minute to realize my grandfather kept saying "I don't do anything with her. She keeps coming into my bedroom, but I swear I don't do anything with her". Finally my mom realized he was having delusions of a prostitute coming in at night!!!!
Another delusion related story - my grandfather, who had his own in-law apartment, had been very grumpy for several days. I went in to visit with him and he immediately starts complaining that my parents had hosted a party with hundreds of guests, who entered the house through his apartment, and were in the backyard making noise all night. He expressed that he was not as mad about the party itself, but that they had never given him the heads up so that he could clean up and make sure he had a dessert on hand to share.
Sometimes you have to laugh so that you dont cry!
I found the best book, “Creating Moments of Joy,” that helped me deal with my husband’s delusions. Now, I play along. Often I’m our daughter. I used to try to convince him I was me, but it stressed him. He told me, “I can’t wrap my mind around that”
Now he doesn’t have to. When he said, “I’m so glad you could come over today,” I replied, “Thank you! I’m really enjoying being here.” When he said, “When are we going to go home?” I said, “I thought this was such a great place, we might just spend the night here.” Or I postpone it. “Why don’t we watch a movie, first?” Or, “I thought we might have a bowl of ice cream, first.” Or, “It’s getting so late, I’d just like to stay here for the night. We’ve already paid for the night.” (We have. We paid for it when we bought it.) Or I take him for a ride, then come back home. That usually resets his thinking.
When he think I’m our daughter, he sometimes wants to find me. I literally walk out of the room for a few minutes, then I walk back in and say, “Hi! Did you miss me?” That often resets his thinking. Of course then he wants to know where his daughter went. (Sometimes you can’t win. I haven’t found a way to clone myself.) I usually tell him she isn’t here and I don’t know where she went.
This attitude has helped both of us. I’m more relaxed. I don’t have to convince him he lives here. And he isn’t confused trying to fit his reality with mine. And he isn’t upset with me for trying to make all of his decisions. It has really lowered our stress level.