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I take care of my mom full time. I take my mom out with me when the weather is nice we live in Arizona. The weather is nice here most of the time. When it's cold outside I'll do the cooking. Mom will look outside at the cars and people sometime show underlying magazines. When it's nice out I'll take her to the senior citizen place and have lunch with her and she enjoys talking and seeing everyone there. I keep her busy I take her to the malls I take her out to eat. I take her to the tailgate parties the football games. I'll take her to the Kingdom Hall where everyone loves to come up and visit with her and she really enjoys it. I take care of my mom 24 hours a day. I had her in a Skilled Nursing Facility also known as a nursing home she got three bed sores it took me a over a year to get rid of them. I promise I would never send your back I'm so thankful she doesn't have any bed sores yes I do get up and turn her every couple of hours at night keep her clean it's a full-time job.
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ann lavigne
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My mom is in a wheelchair I get her up with the Hoyer lift everyday. It's hard taking care of family members twenty-four hours a day. Mom gets a lot of UTIs she was in the hospital 4 times in a month and a half UTIs in the pneumonia I stay with her in the hospital to reassure her everything is okay she'll ask me can they draw blood can they take my vitals and I'll say yes they can do it. My mom loves stuffed animals so I have one with her everywhere we go. I don't know what else to say just if possible have them stay with you at the home if she would have been in a nursing home she would have never lasted as long as she has. Mom's 86 years old now. As long as she's well she still has a smile on her face and happy to be out she might not be able to talk much. But when she sees a familiar place she's all right now where we're going then she gets all happy. Thank you
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There are several blogs you can be a part of and they really give the caregiver support so they can continue to care for their loved one. There are also hints and tips there to physical care, emotional care, and financial care for those that are just starting on this journey. This trip will definitely make you stronger and there are days you just have to hold on. You will have to try, try, try, because you will be tested when applying for assistance of any kind. Keep at it and eventually you will succeed.
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Hospice care was and is my saving grace. People think hospice is for dying and to an extent it is. .. but it has added quality and help to my mom's well being during her dementia stage. Check with your local agency and see if they can help.
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God bless the caregivers. This is a noble undertaking.
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Make sure your loved one is well hydrated. Don't ask them if they want a drink, but get it and offer it to them often. It goes a long way in keeping them healthier and the UTIs down.
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My dad has mid-stage Parkinson's dementia and he WON'T DRINK!! His blood pressure is chronically very low even with meds & he's always tired but says he's always been a 'sipper.' I want to SCREAM! When his physical therapist comes over he drinks for them, saying he has to because they are professionals. His dr.'s tell him to drink & he says he will but he doesn't. I give him Jello, soup, popscicles. Example: he takes 3 lrg capsules & 2 tabs & a gelcap at lunch and will wash it down with literally less than a Tbsp. of water. I offer all kinds of drinks & no difference. I'm lucky if he gets 10 oz.'s most days. He's had 2 kidney infections land him in hospitals in less than a year, February stay was followed with a month at a rehab hospital. He got IV fluids there & did great. Now he's going down hill again. He's weak & fell 3x this past weak. HOW DO I GET FLUIDS IN HIM???
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Ask his Doctor if he can order 2 IV fluids every week. The Doctor will probably put in a pick line for your dad so it will stay in so they can just put the fluids in faster. Also you can ask if the physical therapist can come out twice a week to give him fluids to drink. Talk to his Doctor and ask if someone can come in and help him out with eating and drinking sometimes volunteers can come in and help you out as well. They could say You’re Doctor order this and I am here to help you. Sometimes you’re dad may listen to someone else too drunk or eat. I hope this will help you out.
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Terry Saragosa I'll do that. Thank you!
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Angela Adamcik A couple of my elderly residents that had dementia didn't want to drink & also ate very poorly at times but loved the milkshakes I would make for them. Because they needed nutrition also, I would make them with Ensure, ice cream, & add Carnation Instant breakfast & a little Protein powder too. If your dad doesn't need the nutrition you wouldn't have to add all the extras in theirs. The wife didn't LIKE to drink water but she would take a sip most of the time when I asked her to but I had to remember to ask her to while I was busy performing other duties. I solved this while she was watching TV - whenever a commercial would come on I would ask her to take a drink so it became quite often this happened. It got to be a joke between us. All I had to say was "commercial" & she would take her glass & take a drink! I sure miss her & her husband - loved them very much!! I was their private caregiver for the last 2 years of their lives.
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Angela Adamcik Maybe you have a neighbor that can fill in as a Dr and give him instructions. Its for his own good to have a make believe Dr. You tell them what to say.
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Angela Adamcik you might try adding fruit-flavored drops to his water. They have all kinds of flavors. That helped both my mom and my husband to drink more liquids. I bought a large 32-oz. insulated lidded cup (from Walmart) that will stay cold all day. I have a tall washable foam straw that fits the opening. It has no handle, so it fits our car drink holder which makes it easier to carry anywhere. It’s been one of our best investments ever!
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Angela Adamcik , to prevent UTIs another thing you could try is capsules of D-Mannose and cranberry. My husband used to get frequent UTIs. For the last two years (and after he began taking those capsules) he hasn’t had a UTI.
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Sandy Boswell Yes! I checked with my doctor before starting these. She has a pharmacist in the office too. Both said "good stuff."
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My mother has not yet been diagnosed, but it is quite obvious that she has dementia.....or something similar. I am basically her only support system right now and I live 30 minutes away and work full time 45 minutes from where she lives. She has been caring for my father for the last 5 years. He had a massive stroke and is paralyzed. After a ton of convincing, she finally hired 12 hour/day care for him, but it's costing her a small fortune. She refuses to put him in long term care because she doesn't want to be alone and she doesn't want him to "rot in one of those places", but each time she has to make a payment she flips out over the cost and tells him he's going to have to go in a nursing home......only to change her tune minutes later that she's NOT putting him in one of those places. It's mentally exhausting to keep having the same conversation with her about this. She will NEVER willingly leave her home to go into assisted living or in a nursing home and my husband and I cannot quit our jobs to care for her and my father full time. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I could afford to quite my job and care for them both full time, I would do it in a heartbeat. Right now I am helping as much as I can, but I'm afraid it's not enough. The stress is taking it's toll on me. I am hoping to find a support group in the area.
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Lost12 I feel for you. I was in the same boat, and fought tooth and nail to get my Mom diagnosed at a time when no one else would or could acknowledge it. One thing I found very helpful was to change my mindset from asking her and having her participate and agree to things she could not understand to simply making arrangements that needed to happen and either telling her or simply guiding her through without telling her. Basically, I went from asking to telling, which was a leap, but it really helped. On some level, she will feel the relief of having someone step in and make the changes she is unable to make. Best of luck with all this. One day at a time.
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Phyllis Capanna
Thank you, Phyllis! I appreciate your advice. I have started to tell rather than ask. It’s necessary at this point. Sometimes she’s ok with it and sometimes I am the focus of her anger. She thinks I’m being bossy. One day at a time is right! It’s too sad to focus on the inevitable future.
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Lost12 Yes, I can relate to being the focus of her anger, too! My Mom complains and carps and makes lists of things she "needs," as if my only function in life is to supply her with things. I've had to really work on not taking it personally. She reserves her graciousness for others. It's maddening, but I have to remember, she is the one with dementia, and I am fortunately, able to live my life with faculties intact.
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Phyllis Capanna
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Lost12
Yes! Not always easy to remember, but at the end of the day...we are not the ones sick! ....at least not yet! Something else I worry about. I believe it is hereditary. I try to live every day very differently now. I appreciate the little things and try not to stress about the things I cannot control.
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Lost12, I understand your stress. My mother has dementia and we live together. I take care of her by myself and feel blessed to be able to most of the time. It can be really difficult when she becomes aggravated and is rude to me. Fortunately that doesn't happen all the time. I also can become aggravated when she is unable to do the simple things that she used to be able to do easily. I pray for strength and willingness every day and it helps. Most days are great. She stayed at a rehab/nursing home for a couple of months after leaving the hospital and she hated it. I did too. Sometimes she makes comments about not wanting to live or maybe going back to a nursing home but she doesn't mean it and those thoughts quickly go away. I just listen when she tells the same story over and over or talks about things that are not true. It would only upset her if I try to correct her. I finally at this stage of my life, realize that I don't have to be right. Nor do I need to tell her that she's wrong. Only if it would put her in danger do I need to correct her. If I can help it, she will never have to stay in a nursing home again. My prayers are with you and your family.
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Gail Caperton
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Lost12
Thank you, Gail. I appreciate your insight about learning to listen and not argue or correct your mother. I am learning to do the same. Unfortunately, since I am the one taking charge, i have become the focus of my mother’s anger. She doesn’t realize that something is seriously wrong and that she needs help. I have been taking her to doctor’s appointments to try and get to the bottom of her loss of memory and personality change. I hope we get the answers we need to make a plan on how best to move forward. Your mom is lucky to have you and that you are able to take care of her is a huge blessing. I know it requires a great deal of patience. I am still in my 40s and have quite a few years left before I can retire. I fear my mother WILL have to go into a nursing home and it beeaks my heart. She will never forgive my sister and me for putting her there. This brings me a lot of anxiety thinking about the future. I am trying to take one day at a time. It helps to talk to people like you who know and understand what I am going through. I think I will buy that book 360 that someone mentioned. I need to be as educated as I can moving forward. Good luck with your mom!
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Lost12 Make sure the doctor checks your mom for a bladder infection too! Patients (female and male) with dementia can also get more confused and their personalities can change and get worse when they have a bladder infection. Bladder infections can be more common in the elderly especially if they are unable to take care of their hygiene as well as they used to & if they don't drink as much as they should.
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BRENDA MCCANN
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