Diapers and Me
I have literally been in diapers my entire life. With the inability to be properly potty trained at a young age, I was raised by a family split in divorce. Forced to live with my biological father and visitations with my mother for the longest time. My sister was in the same boat. She was 2.5 years older and got it worse, without the problems of incontinence later. Raped and molested for 9 years before we could have our father arrested and convicted, permanent, irreparable damage was done to both #1 and #2 capabilities for the rest of my life. Mother thinking the bedwetting and wetting and pooping of pants was some form of arrogance towards her for the divorce, she sat by and did nothing as my stepfather beat me on so many occasions, once so bad after wetting the bed at age 14 he beat me so bad I couldnt sit down for over a week. To save faith he bought diapers for me, but tried to use them as a form of punishment with humiliation and embarrassment. Intentionally buying baby diapers too small for an adolescent, he tried to use it to show I didnt need them because they didn't fit. I resorted to stealing adult diapers or mowing lawns to purchase them myself and learned to hide them by taking the trash out more regularly like a good boy.
The conditions only got worse as I got older. Convicted of a crime I did not commit in 2005, I was sent to prison where the inmates took advantage of the situation. Raped repeatedly day in and day out by multiple inmates over the next year and the officers either did nothing or would stand by and watch while pretending to see nothing. Now, at the age of 36, I have 0 feeling in either area front or back. Unable to notice the urine or feces free flowing, and completely unable to hold them back in the first place, I feel like a paraplegic that cant feel it either. Unable to enjoy the life of a normal person, stuck being close to a pack of diapers just in case, I cant go out in the world for more than an hour at a time, lest something leak and be somewhere I can't do anything to stop it, change my diaper or contain any sort of smells for that matter. I have come to accept my condition, knowing there is no hope for any other sort if life, I strive to meet and talk with others about their experience and wish that you all can understand my life and maybe give stories about your own. It took a lot to sit down and write this. I encourage you to take a few deep breaths, and try to do the same. 🧘
Much love my friends and diapered family, Scott Keyser
Hi Scott! I'd first like to start of by saying thank you for sharing your story, it was very brave & courageous as well as VERY well written! Secondly, my heart breaks for your situation & I'm curious about why isn't there any ways for Dr's to help a person gain back feeling after experiencing the trauma you've been forced to endure, or is that even an option?
I am 40 & do not need to wear diapers, yet but I do have times of incontinence. Usually only right after I awake because I suffer from a neuromuscular autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis which causes, random extreme muscle weakness with no warning & can even cause me to experience what's called an M.G. Crisis where I am completely paralyzed from head to toe & must get to a hospital emergency room ASAP to receive breathing assistance, intubation & ventilation therapy because even my diaphragm muscles fail so I'm unable to breathe. It's a very scary illness & I've had it since I was about 21, although I wasn't diagnosed with M.G. until I was 27, (that's an entirely different story in itself, sigh)!
My point is, people all will experience a humbling or even humiliating moment/time in their lives that makes them realize how precious even the ability to use a muscle or sense a normal, bodily feeling truly is which in turn makes them much more grateful & learns to appreciate every God given ability because sadly, people don't realize just how blessed they truly are when they're healthy & can ignore those natural abilities until 1, some or all of those "natural abilities" are taken away! Eventhough you deal w\A LOT, feel blessed for the things in life you do have, can do & can feel because as they say "we don't realize what we have until its gone!"! God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers!
Scott, we had similar childhoods. In my case it was from age 10-11 in 1979 by a non-family member as my older brother was in the hospital after motorcycle accident.
I was all alone. Nobody to go to. Dealt with beatings by my biological father.
No crime history, but have the same issues as far as incontinence with both bowel and bladder.